So heading back on the sidewalk with Ryan. Walked and walked all over again. It was even more painful. We ended back to the same Alley place, the old fucked up couch was still next to the trash can. We sat there for a bit. There were 4 skateboards laying behind some bushes behind us, one of them fell on my shoulders somehow. Ryan looked at me with a smile and said "Let's ride them on the way back to the abandoned tomorrow morning". I was starving to death the next morning though, my stomach was burping, I felt sick, I knew I had to eat something right away before continuing walking back again. We did have money, we just didn't want to spend them yet. So Ryan and I begged around asking for money, not for food as we pretend It's not what the moneys for, but for tampons. Haha. As we quoted "Hey, You have like 5 bucks for tampons? Because my girlfriends out of 'em and needs them badly", and with a respond back from this old lady "Oh yes, of course, I hope she's ok, Here's the 5 bucks sweetie" then smiled. Once me and Ryan thought that was a good idea, we kept asking around again and again with the same question, hahaha. We ended up getting rich and richer day through night until we had arrived to the abandoned house.
Now back home, everyone was drunk and some were buzzed enough. Except for the leader, Devon who owns the house. Everyone was proud to see me again and Ryan of course. Asked us bunch of questions about how the greenland of train hoppers was. Told them the same exact story I wrote in the very first entry I wrote for this community. They all gave a smiled and pretty much enjoyed my story. Ryan was already too tired to talk. He ended up passing out in his room to get some rest and rest his feet. I also did the same after I had finished sharing with everyone about the story and then took a few drinks. I had Amanda stuck in my head for a while. All the problems she been through in life and stuff, she's been rape many times, that's what had pissed me off the most. So many sick fucks out there who don't even realize what they're doing is sick and WRONG. The next few weeks in the afternoon, I decided to head out and call Amanda's cell. She was pretty glad I called. We talked for a while, about almost 3 hours over the phone. She wanted to be with me since we've gotten to know eachother very well enough, I said yeah sure. Then wanted to live with me in the abandoned house until the squatting days end and then move with me at my moms. It has been about a week until then. I talked to the Devon about Amanda, If she could live with me in the Abandon. He was ok about it but wanted to meet her first at some place. We did all that after about another 3 weeks from that. We went to meet her at Taco Bell, a few blocks away. Devon really did liked her a lot and thought she was cool as hell after the long talk we all had together. So he welcomed her to our place and gave her a mark like before when I first started living in that house. Everyone in the house liked her as well. I couldn't beleive it really because Ryan and all my best budds especially Mike had always thought I pick lame chicks who always think they have control over me and that most of them treat me with no respect and I'm big time weak at it, I just let them do all that shit to me. Amanda knew about it when we all talked in circle outside near the pit of fire for warmth. Nick was the one who brought it up haha.
Anyways, It has been about a year 2004 since Amanda been living with me. We had a real good relationship. She was so happy. Until about 8 months later, We had sex, then the next morning, She wanted to talk to me about something while I was laying in bed with her facing the other way from her, she called my name to have me face to face with her for attention, So I did, she looked so paled and sick in her eyes, It was scarying me, I questioned her about it. "You look sick babe, Are you feeling ok?". She told me It was because she hasn't been eating right, Not getting enough sleep, etc. "What do you mean?" I replied. She started to tear and tear, "I have diabies..and I'm suppose to be eating right, I'm not suppose to skip any meals, and getting enough sleep is a must for me and I'm like, shaking really bad right now" she said and cried a bit harder. I was was suprised by all this. I didn't even know she had diabies from the start!. Otherwise I would have tooken extra good care of her more and made sure she ate right and everything. But no, she told me, and it was just late news for me. I gave her a hug and kissed her, she told me she loved me right when I had gotten up, I looked at her and said I love you too back of course and went to make her a sandwitch since it was breakfast time anyways. When I came back in the room with a sandwitch in my hand, I handed it to her, she smiled with a thanks and wiped her tears. About a minute when she tried eating the sanwitch, It was WAY to LATE. She had catched a seizdure. A huge one, I didn't know what to do, I called everyone from the living room for help, "Fuck!.. Danny!, Ryan! Amanda's gotta seizdure!" I started to cry. Ryan and everyone came rushing in the room, Danny quickly handed Amanda Orange Juice, he said It's because she needed more sugar in her body in order to slow it down, but Amanda couldn't drink it all. Nick ran outside to get help and had people call the abilance in. As soon as Nick came back in and said the ambilance were on their way, Amanda was dead in my arms after the seizdure had stopped. Everyone freaked out, I couldn't beleive it. I tried to get her back, but I couldn't. There I go, crying like an emo. I didn't give a fuck. Amanda was the nicest and the sweetest girl I have ever met in my life and been with for the longest. I loved her so much, I still do. I wish she was here with me. I really didn't know why she never spoked anything about her having diabies until later that day. ::sigh:: . R.I.P. for Amanda. I'll always love her and will never forget about her. After all the talk about Amanda and her funeral in that same week a few days later, I saw all the people from North Greenland of Hoppers there, they all saw me and gave me a big hug, I just stood there crying harder and harder seeing every face that knew Amanda. I couldn't speak or anything. After that big day, I packed all my shit from the abandoned house. My budds and them didn't want me to leave but they understood I was in pain about my girlie, but I just couldn't take it anymore. And with all the good-byes we had, I headed back home. I took the bus out there and used up my money on the way. Got home around 12AM and just slept on my bed for days. Remembering the fun times I had with Amanda, the squatting days in the filed of hopers, the long talks we had, the laughters and the giggles of moments, etc. The only thing I kept that was from her, for me before she died was a bracelette and a small note. Note: "I love you Johnny, Always and forever, never let anyone put you down, don't be weak, be strong, the stronger you get the more better you'll get and be in person, I'll always be in your heart, I'll always be there for you, No matter what happends, Whenever you're feeling down, Whenever you're feeling mad, You know where to look to, ME, Never forget about me babe, Love Always, Amanda"...