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Somewhere [26 Aug 2009|03:02am]

Sitting somewhere near pflugerville and round rock, far north of Austin City Limits. Over staying my visit at a friends apartment sipping tecate. I must go out tomorrow and find something, like work wise or noise, or art or artistic inspiration. The heat though is a problem, intensely wanting me to seek cover within doors. At this time things have become mandatory then any other time. So this time has become that intensense. It sounds so less when typed and read on this screen, then the tru elements that exist when this is off and im out there. its real ugly, i do have my bike to alleviate some of the pressures. And it makes the day one of contemplation. I anticipate the occurrences of the day tomorrow and the outcome, The roof top slept on and the bagels that might still be delivered there. I can only seek successes out from this, and then it will be success.. I want you to see, I think about you. I think about you. I think about you as i act through out the day.
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REAL [19 Jan 2009|01:40am]

So its been a few weeks my bike accident , and it suks bein on foot .but it feels kinda cool bein left in the middle of the texas sun 100 miles away from anywhere, with less than a cup of water. Just me and the dirt . it feels useless to even stop and stick my thumb out. The cool part is that its crismas all these cars and trucks driving by and leaving to rot in the desert.Man what a selfish though. Screw it if its my time to go i go .then il go on to next world and find ride there,lol.
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Sometime Upside down Rainy Side of the Hill. Hiding From Display, Portraits seen, Torn Down Do Not [05 Jun 2007|05:06pm]

I havent posted anything for sometime, yet i had time to look through out the internet at the community i was once part in, the San Antonio community, alot of thoughts and memories went through my head, and feelings too, its intense life changes, some for good some for bad ,and ive noticed that, it just seems that back then it was more innocent and then today its not.

Ive been through so much since the last life altering experience 2 years ago its not funny, it seems i havent grown up but broken down, i feel more immature then i was, i think its all the hurt and pain that makes my feelings weak and sometimes i feel like a kid, act like a kid, cry like a kid and say things like a kid, i wouldnt mind yet i think it bothers the person im with... i just want to be myself, if im sad i want to be sad, if im excited i want to be excited, if im energetic i want to be energetic, if im amped up i want to be amped up. Its seems i cant be, and that makes me feel bad. My partner seems to be emotionless and doest like when i show emotion or something i really do think we are not meant for eachother.. she has shown many things and acted in many ways that makes feel this way...

Ive traveled the united states for the past months.. ive traveled with someone who is weak, traveling around the country and squatting the land isnt for the weak they break, and though these travels should have been fun exciting adventurous and productive both physically nad mentally they havent been, it has been the exact opposite due to my travel partner. One more Fuck up i swear One more fuck up im leaving this person, for ive invested money time and strength and energy, freedoms, i feel it has been put for nothing ,for i feel i wasted all that.

I think after this im not dealing with any social interaction, except the ones im mandated for, you know... i dont care for friends, or girlfriends, or crushes or flirtatiosnous. Ive tried and you know what, the work im interested in has been used against me. That has hurt me and has hurt the most important work that needs to be done, maybe within the work i do i will find that strong partner that will accept and appreciate, support and be an active partner and contributor to the work... maybe some of you know what work i speak of.

I am currently squating omaha nebraska, and council bluffs iowa, they are right next to each other seperated by the missouri river, to get to one side its a train track bridge, or i can just catch one train(union pacific) to either side. These towns are ultra conservative religous its very scary, cause these people are so close minded it makes them ugly dumb people. Im surprised by this, for ive never been in or around people that are that awful and ugly in there thinking.
I have gotten in seriuos trouble due to the fact that i am here. I feel anywhere else i would not have gotten in such serious trouble but here, i feel they are going to hang me. I can not walk the streets with out fear, and i fear to find and work employment. Why? is a question that may be ask on why im still here, well my partner has fallen in to debt and has to stop and work to recover from that... i so want to leave this place and that fear i have, i do think that its alot worse then i think it is, and i think its really bad...

I dont want to be stuck here. Im stuck here cause of my partner, my partner that treats me like shit, and has done the most fucked up things anyone has every done to me. Makes me feel like shit everyday. I think she likes that.

So im here hiding out in this space that has been provided to us by some genourous american folk, ex airforce husband and housewife, husband speaks casually of vegetarianism and his airforce career and housewife speaks of her children and the children she takes care of at the day care shes employed at. Thier children speak of poodles and birdys and butterflies and owls and rock & roll music we play every once and while. The little girl sings and tells me to play the little toy drum set they have so she can sing along and the little boy asks me to show him tricks on his skatboard and to show him beats on his toy drum set. and asks when can i take him to the skatepark.

The first few nights slept in iowa on golf course that where in front of that harrays casino the next day rode the train into omaha, watching wild turkeys and deer dash across the track back and fourth and away into thick brush, rode right past omahas factory center of old and abandoned factory houses past an abandoned rundown train station of the year 1916, jumped off and slept atop the train depot roof where the sunset hit to warm tha dew dretched clothing of coldness body, crisp everything seemed, walked out into the open of the city to here nothing but quitness, for downtown omaha on a weekend is dead and quite. Its been very exciting especially the night it was raining and i had to out run and out smart those who search for me. I had no idea this city its layout, i do now though. Yet i was able to completly out smart and get away from those who search for me. And everyday i find a away to go around and get to where im going, its exciting but that fear is what i do not like. And one day you know it may happen, be found.

Excuse me im going to sit down to a bowl of pork an beans, salted saltines, lemon lime cool aid, and a red white and blue bomb pop. America.

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Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
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EVECTION AFRIKA [19 Jun 2005|11:14am]

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[16 Jun 2005|08:57pm]

[ mood | high ]


join me community!

spread the word too!

-johnny narcotics

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get the fuck out!!! [13 Jun 2005|08:51am]

leaving as of tuesday night/wensday morning. midnight. hopefully that would be a good start. i just want to get out for a little while. heading up north. it should be interesting, a mystery, not knowing what the fuck to expect, but im ready for anything, my main goal is survival(staying alive) and free (not arrested or dead) but on a trip like this you never know. but my luck has been good, being 21 and squatting for 10 years, not much bad has happened, but thats in texas, san antonio, (a pretty meelow city). austin tx, a nice activistyuppietown(thats rich in ressources) houston a fukin ugly ass city that smells and is dirty as fuck,very grey place, dallas in a wharhouse where i found a bad ass vintage electric guitar. new york city was fun for the time being when there, squatted a second floor abaondoned apartment,sleeping on the roof staring of into the distant city skyline. theres also a squatted out 15 storie, double building apartment, where we checked out a fukin badd ass punk show and climbibg all the way to the roof top to sleep on my back p-ack, in the cold of the new york city night. but i need to do this now, everything was being put off for this, when this is over i think i will feel alot better, at ease with my mind. right now im in constant turmoil and emotional distress, with a girl i fukin love and do not want to lose, i dont know what to do in this situation. i hear one thing then another, i dont want to lose her but make everything right. We've been together for 3 years, i never said i loved her, due to not haveing any fondness for the word, i always thought i expressed it. lving my life in constant battle is hard, its pressure that can make people crack, ive cracked ,ive cracked many times, this is part of the crack in our relationship, she said i never loved her, i never made her feel loved, i never said i loved her, hopin she would see it in my actions, now these are the reasons that the split is so big.
she says she loves me and doesnt want to lose me, i ask her to get back with me, because im finally open up to her my love and felt so strongly to use it , and when i do, the time that i do, she dosent fukin want it. smashes it. that fukin hurts so much, thats why i hated the word love.

so this trip im afraid may be this big drastic time apart, during a very very rocky time. it might all crumble during the time im out, and nothing there, but more loss when i come back.
i dont want to lose her, but i have to go out on this trip.
i just wish i said i loved her to her, so she could have known that i did, because she never saw it in any of the actions i did. a 3 year relationship with someone giving that person everything of you

this is going to be so hard. i love that girl, and when i finally say it, she doesnt love me.
this trip i must take it, or lose the oppurtunity to.
i want her to come back, i see all my flaws, and know where to correct, i want to spend my life with this person, we should have never seperated in the first place.

but i did due to the pressures at hand, they where tearing me apart, and my partner as she hugged me, it thrashed at her, too. this seperation was for us to not be trashed anymore, so i can battle this fight within, so we could survive. it was all me, it was all in my head. i let this beauty go thinking she would be there for me after i had conquered this battle. But she didint want to wait.
im lost, i lost her, i hate myself for it. tonight ill talk to her, before i leave, shes been "space" for a few days already, but i need to see her one last time before i leave, for i never know what can happen, and i would like to say goodbye and say i love you before i may never come back. because she needs to know that i do.

i m hoping there would be an adventure, this will be an adventure.
a very hard and painful adventure, knowing that my love will not be there when i return,
i know when i come back im going to be looking for her, wanting her, wanting to hold her and feel her soft skin on my arm and cheek, her little lip hairs i loved to kiss.
all this i know ill lose, ive lost it already. this trip will be another massive gap between us, and the little thats left, the very very very little thats left, thats so fragile and can easily be broken
will this trip be that weight that brakes whats left of us?

squat sqaut sqaut move move move noone understands, they think they do.
we are all alone, even though we have friends, noone knows.
everything is left to ourselves in the long run, its never safe to be dependent on someone else
they drop, you drop. they could drop you anytime, and you lose a part of yourself, that part you gave them, you give themm all, you lose all. never be dependent on someone else.
you need yourself to survive.
but i do love my girl
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a work [09 Jun 2005|09:03pm]

[ mood | creative ]

a work in progress...
send any support, info, pics, songs, donations for the help in adding to this.to breakourchains@yahoo.com

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Anyone squat in Orlando in the early 90s? [02 Jun 2005|09:00am]

Since the Wall Street Plaza (Orlando) from fifteen years ago was "second home" to a lot of people who I knew were squatting in abandoned office buildings, unoccupied second stories, the rooftops of area buildings and the walled-up alleyways nearby, I'm hoping that some former Wall Street denizens may have come across this community.

If the maintainers of this community would like to cross-promote, there are probably a few of our members that would be interested.
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SQUAT [01 Jun 2005|01:17pm]

Punk Rock Inn - For those that did rock we salute you.
glorious balcony action

Low 56K
( mms://media2.hosting.nob.nl/ftv/20050531_183180_FTV_0000binftv_5664.asf

medium 220K
( mms://media2.hosting.nob.nl/ftv/20050531_183180_FTV_0000binftv_200.asf )

High 350K
( mms://media2.hosting.nob.nl/ftv/20050531_183180_FTV_0000binftv_350.asf )

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Burning Barricads at Squat part 3 [04 Apr 2005|03:14pm]


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Burning Barricads at Squat part 2 [04 Apr 2005|02:23pm]


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Burning Barricads at Squat [03 Apr 2005|01:05pm]

Burning Barricads at a squat in Utrecht "De Dump" it is still there but not for long

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[30 Mar 2005|08:31pm]

[ mood | enraged ]

I found out today that "squatter" is Austrailian slang for "land owner".

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Graffitti against eviction squats Utrecht [30 Mar 2005|12:34pm]


This weekend OI POLLI in the Storing utrecht
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heading back to squatting soon [26 Mar 2005|10:31pm]

[ mood | cold ]

Me: dude, i havent seen u in years.. u still train hoppin/travelin or what?

Scott: who is this?

Me: oh its johnny..

Scott: where u livin now?

Me: oc..same shit

Scott: been to the gathering yet?

Me: ya..one up north of madeline

Scott: haha

Me: haha

Scott: right on.. we got a crew of like, 9 kids who have left or who are going to leave torrance city this week.. we came on a rescue mission

Me: fuuck, im going to be in vegas..

Scott: any and all kids who want to leave the west and go to the national gathering in virgina...we need a license driver... or were gonna just get greyhound tickets

Me: i think thats what one of my budds were talking about a couple days ago..

Scott: who?

Me: this kid, mikey

Scott: from torrance?

Me: yeah

Scott: yeah

Scott: u should leave again

Scott: join the crew out here

Me: yeah i know but im going to be in vegas though.. maybe ill talk to one of my buddies about that virgina thing, theyll prolly be down for it..

Scott: i definately recommend it..

Scott: fuck the cities

Scott: fuck houses

Scott: fuck the streets

Scott: its all about the forest

Scott: hiding from the man

Scott: doing what we can

Me: whatever happend with the hoppers?

Scott: eh

Scott: train hoppings about to die

Scott: feds

Scott: us marshalls

Me: really??..

Scott: patrol the trainlines

Scott: yup yup yup

Me: damn..

Scott: just get ur ass over here to the gathering

Scott: the light will always shine when around real family

Scott: kids who dont judge u and shit

Me: ya

Scott: ill have a cell phone for the next week 310- *** - ****

Scott: if u want to leave the city behind

Scott: we can help

Scott: call anytime

Scott: real ize

Scott: real lies

Scott: real eyes

Scott: there wont be any chances to get out of babylon... remember to LEAVE the electic-city before it gets too late

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[06 Mar 2005|12:09pm]

[ mood | crappy ]

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So heading back on the sidewalk with Ryan. Walked and walked all over again. It was even more painful. We ended back to the same Alley place, the old fucked up couch was still next to the trash can. We sat there for a bit. There were 4 skateboards laying behind some bushes behind us, one of them fell on my shoulders somehow. Ryan looked at me with a smile and said "Let's ride them on the way back to the abandoned tomorrow morning". I was starving to death the next morning though, my stomach was burping, I felt sick, I knew I had to eat something right away before continuing walking back again. We did have money, we just didn't want to spend them yet. So Ryan and I begged around asking for money, not for food as we pretend It's not what the moneys for, but for tampons. Haha. As we quoted "Hey, You have like 5 bucks for tampons? Because my girlfriends out of 'em and needs them badly", and with a respond back from this old lady "Oh yes, of course, I hope she's ok, Here's the 5 bucks sweetie" then smiled. Once me and Ryan thought that was a good idea, we kept asking around again and again with the same question, hahaha. We ended up getting rich and richer day through night until we had arrived to the abandoned house.

Now back home, everyone was drunk and some were buzzed enough. Except for the leader, Devon who owns the house. Everyone was proud to see me again and Ryan of course. Asked us bunch of questions about how the greenland of train hoppers was. Told them the same exact story I wrote in the very first entry I wrote for this community. They all gave a smiled and pretty much enjoyed my story. Ryan was already too tired to talk. He ended up passing out in his room to get some rest and rest his feet. I also did the same after I had finished sharing with everyone about the story and then took a few drinks. I had Amanda stuck in my head for a while. All the problems she been through in life and stuff, she's been rape many times, that's what had pissed me off the most. So many sick fucks out there who don't even realize what they're doing is sick and WRONG. The next few weeks in the afternoon, I decided to head out and call Amanda's cell. She was pretty glad I called. We talked for a while, about almost 3 hours over the phone. She wanted to be with me since we've gotten to know eachother very well enough, I said yeah sure. Then wanted to live with me in the abandoned house until the squatting days end and then move with me at my moms. It has been about a week until then. I talked to the Devon about Amanda, If she could live with me in the Abandon. He was ok about it but wanted to meet her first at some place. We did all that after about another 3 weeks from that. We went to meet her at Taco Bell, a few blocks away. Devon really did liked her a lot and thought she was cool as hell after the long talk we all had together. So he welcomed her to our place and gave her a mark like before when I first started living in that house. Everyone in the house liked her as well. I couldn't beleive it really because Ryan and all my best budds especially Mike had always thought I pick lame chicks who always think they have control over me and that most of them treat me with no respect and I'm big time weak at it, I just let them do all that shit to me. Amanda knew about it when we all talked in circle outside near the pit of fire for warmth. Nick was the one who brought it up haha.

Anyways, It has been about a year 2004 since Amanda been living with me. We had a real good relationship. She was so happy. Until about 8 months later, We had sex, then the next morning, She wanted to talk to me about something while I was laying in bed with her facing the other way from her, she called my name to have me face to face with her for attention, So I did, she looked so paled and sick in her eyes, It was scarying me, I questioned her about it. "You look sick babe, Are you feeling ok?". She told me It was because she hasn't been eating right, Not getting enough sleep, etc. "What do you mean?" I replied. She started to tear and tear, "I have diabies..and I'm suppose to be eating right, I'm not suppose to skip any meals, and getting enough sleep is a must for me and I'm like, shaking really bad right now" she said and cried a bit harder. I was was suprised by all this. I didn't even know she had diabies from the start!. Otherwise I would have tooken extra good care of her more and made sure she ate right and everything. But no, she told me, and it was just late news for me. I gave her a hug and kissed her, she told me she loved me right when I had gotten up, I looked at her and said I love you too back of course and went to make her a sandwitch since it was breakfast time anyways. When I came back in the room with a sandwitch in my hand, I handed it to her, she smiled with a thanks and wiped her tears. About a minute when she tried eating the sanwitch, It was WAY to LATE. She had catched a seizdure. A huge one, I didn't know what to do, I called everyone from the living room for help, "Fuck!.. Danny!, Ryan! Amanda's gotta seizdure!" I started to cry. Ryan and everyone came rushing in the room, Danny quickly handed Amanda Orange Juice, he said It's because she needed more sugar in her body in order to slow it down, but Amanda couldn't drink it all. Nick ran outside to get help and had people call the abilance in. As soon as Nick came back in and said the ambilance were on their way, Amanda was dead in my arms after the seizdure had stopped. Everyone freaked out, I couldn't beleive it. I tried to get her back, but I couldn't. There I go, crying like an emo. I didn't give a fuck. Amanda was the nicest and the sweetest girl I have ever met in my life and been with for the longest. I loved her so much, I still do. I wish she was here with me. I really didn't know why she never spoked anything about her having diabies until later that day. ::sigh:: . R.I.P. for Amanda. I'll always love her and will never forget about her. After all the talk about Amanda and her funeral in that same week a few days later, I saw all the people from North Greenland of Hoppers there, they all saw me and gave me a big hug, I just stood there crying harder and harder seeing every face that knew Amanda. I couldn't speak or anything. After that big day, I packed all my shit from the abandoned house. My budds and them didn't want me to leave but they understood I was in pain about my girlie, but I just couldn't take it anymore. And with all the good-byes we had, I headed back home. I took the bus out there and used up my money on the way. Got home around 12AM and just slept on my bed for days. Remembering the fun times I had with Amanda, the squatting days in the filed of hopers, the long talks we had, the laughters and the giggles of moments, etc. The only thing I kept that was from her, for me before she died was a bracelette and a small note. Note: "I love you Johnny, Always and forever, never let anyone put you down, don't be weak, be strong, the stronger you get the more better you'll get and be in person, I'll always be in your heart, I'll always be there for you, No matter what happends, Whenever you're feeling down, Whenever you're feeling mad, You know where to look to, ME, Never forget about me babe, Love Always, Amanda"...

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[09 Feb 2005|01:24pm]

"(and not by plane or car. preferably: squat,walk,bike, hitchike, something along the lines of that)"

why are cars casted out of this? there's plenty of squatters that travel in their own cars. i travelled in someone's van from new york to chicago last year and it was a fun an interesting leg of my journies, and there's been other car trips too. i think they mix well with the train and hitching trips.
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the beginning [01 Feb 2005|04:32pm]

[ mood | robot! ]

I also used to be a robot: pt. 1Collapse )

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[01 Feb 2005|06:10am]

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[31 Jan 2005|08:55pm]
[ mood | blank ]

COME ON! theres 18 people. lets start seeing more posts please..

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